The only constant in this world is change... and that's something that really stresses me out. Being 24 is hard. So much of life in your 20s is having to accept that everything is in a constant state of flux at this time. Every time I begin to settle into something it feels like the rug is pulled out from under me. Change can be exciting and exhilarating but I wish I had something to settle into or fall back on.
I think this feeling of uncertainty and chaos is a big part of why I created Earth Angel. From my other entries you know that I have always relied on objects to bring about feelings of comfort and security. For the most part, physical objects are unchanging and constant. You can rely on them to be there. I often yearn for an experience or feeling that is stable and emotionally comforting as some of my special objects are to me. This is often what drives me to create. When I feel sad or hurt or empty inside turning to my sewing machine really helps. Being able to turn an emotion into something physical is really satisfying. It makes me feel grounded when I look at things I've made and know that they are unchanging and can act as a source of physical comfort for someone else.
Other than my own creations I find this sense of unchanging comfort in things like my tarot cards, trinket collection, and a few pieces in my wardrobe. I have this one dress that holds such specific and special memories. I don't wear it anymore but when I see it I am instantly transported back to the time that I did. It's comforting how it still looks and feels exactly the same even though the memories from that time have faded and my friendships with the people from those memories have drastically evolved. The dress is the same and always will be the same and for some reason that is the most comforting thing in the world to me.
It may sound sad or silly to find so much comfort in things that aren't alive or emotionally responsive. And maybe it is! I wish I had a person or experience or inner feeling that could offer the stability and comfort that a yearn for. But right now I don't and so I have to find my own ways of creating that feeling for myself. I really think that's what being in your 20s is about... Leaning into the chaos and uncertainty but trying to find little ways you can ground and support yourself through it. This is what works for me and through my work I have connected with so many others my age that resonate. I hope that if you are craving a sense of security within these chaotic times my creations can bring you a little bit of comfort.
